family series: teens

(Teenage Wasteland) Last week, the opening rock song was something of a joke. This week it’s meant to raise a very serious question. More than a generation ago, this song resonated through the day’s youth culture. It claimed the world had become a wasteland for young people, in fact the youth themselves, had become a wasted. With the rise of drugs and the loss of moral absolutes, innocence and hope were ‘wasted’. So, how is it for the children of that generation? Is it a fair assessment to call the culture in which they are growing up, a wasteland- or is that simply negative sensationalism? Well, let’s consider some aspects of the world in which our children find themselves.

To be sure, our culture has made many positive strides. But many strides are not so positive. But rather than share personal opinion, I’ll let the statistics speak for themselves:

Through the 1950 and 60’s, it’s estimated that 200,000 prenatal lives were terminated through abortion. From 1973, when abortion was legalized- only to 1997, there were 3.5 million. Today, nearly 50% of all unintended pregnancies are ended this way. The very cradle from where our youth have come is at least half-way, a ‘wasteland.’

How about our entertainment- Let me ask a question: If I said I was going to spend the afternoon watching adult movies- what impression would come to mind? (Time to get a new pastor, right?) Why? It comes down to how our culture defines ‘adult.’ Here’s how the dictionary defines the word:

a dult ( dult , ad ult ) 1 grown up; mature in age, size, strength, etc. 2 of or for adult persons [an adult novel] 3 containing or providing pornography [adult movies][1]

ma ture (m t r , - r , -ty r ) 1 fully developed, as a person, a mind, etc. [2]

So to our youth who are maturing to adulthood, our culture says this as an officially recognized part of its definition: Being an adult means reaching an age where you can experience things too immoral for those yet to mature. Now you’re a man… you’re a woman- you can legally intoxicate yourself; you can smoke until cancer claims your lungs; you can experience all kinds of sexual perversities. Welcome to adulthood!

But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

So what happens when, a culture completely reverses a concept as basic as- what it means to grow up?

Since the definition included pornography, let’s look at some current facts on that: FACT-

From the most powerful tools of communication in our world today, this is what our culture is passing on to our children. Let me ask you- without being a sensationalist, isn’t it fair to call it a wasteland?

Perhaps you’ve heard the decision of public schools in Maryland this year- To separate church and state- God will be removed from the historical account of ‘Thanks Giving’. Children will be taught that the pilgrims simply thanked the Indians for helping them.

So- how are our schools doing as public education deepens its erasure of God?

The National Center for Education Statistics, NCES, estimated in the 1999–2000 school year, there were 1.5 million violent incidents in public schools.

Our educational institutions decided to try a great experiment- they’ve tried to transfer knowledge in a moral vacuum. Whatever else has been accomplished, it is undeniable things like violence and promiscuity have also risen at an exponential rate. From kindergarten to college, our children are -with a few notable exceptions- wading through a morally intellectual wasteland.

Another disturbing discovery is the direct link between sexual experimentation and parental divorce. A study was done of 201 junior and senior high boys in a ‘high-crime area’. It was found only 18 percent of the boys from intact families were promiscuous. In fact, 57% from families where divorce never occurred were virgins. A study of over 5000 women, with babies out of wedlock showed the same correlation. The wastelands extend into our very homes.

Along with navigating the cultural wastelands our youth face the challenge of simply- growing up.

In 1840 the average age in which a girl reached puberty was 16.5 years old. Today that figure has dropped to 12.8! The result has been a younger and younger trend toward dating and sexual awareness. Even our blessings can play against us.

Current research shows that eighteen is the greatest time of conflict between parent and child, but typically thirteen or fourteen is the most difficult time for young people. It’s a time when self-doubt and feelings of inferiority peek and social pressures are felt the worst. Dobson puts it this way:

It is common knowledge that a twelve- or thirteen year-old child suddenly awakens to a brand-new world around him… That world is populated by age-mates who scare him out of his wits. His greatest anxiety, far exceeding the fear of death, is the possibility of rejection or humiliation in the eyes of his peers. … It is impossible to comprehend the adolescent mind without understanding this terror of the peer group.

To be balanced and fair, of course there are a lot of positive things as well. But the reality still remains; there are vast wastelands. And that leads us to a question: How can our youth navigate the ‘teenage wastelands’ and come out the other side not just surviving, but victorious? Let’s approach it in two ways- from the parent’s side, and from the teen side.

SURVIVING THE WASTELAND

First, for you parents.

Dobson has an interesting parallel for the teen years. He compares them to the early days of NASA. Remember how everyone would hold their breath during those six or seven minutes of communication blackout as the landing capsule first entered the earth’s atmosphere? -And then there’d be a sigh of relief as the first words came through the static saying everything was OK. Dobson puts it this way:

After the training and preparation of childhood are over, a pubescent youngster marches out to the launching pad. His parents watch apprehensively as he climbs aboard a capsule called adolescence and waits for his rockets to fire. Without warning, the mighty rocket engines begin to roar and the ‘umbilical cord’ falls away. ‘Liftoff! We have liftoff!’, screams the boy’s father.

…A week later, his parents go through the scariest experience of their lives: They suddenly lose all contact with the capsule. …The same kid who used to talk a mile a minute and ask a million questions has now reduced his vocabulary to nine monosyllabic phrases. They are, “I dunno,” “Maybe,” “I forget,” “Huh? “No!” “Nope,” “Yeah,” “Who- me?” and “He did it.” Otherwise, only static comes through the receivers…

…Years later, when Mission Control fears the spacecraft has been lost, a few scratchy signals are picked up unexpectedly from a distant transmitter. The parents are jubilant as they hover near their radio. [His voice] is deeper and more mature than they remembered. …He was fourteen years old when he blasted into space and now he is nearly twenty. Could it be that the negative environment has been swept away and communication is again possible?

So parents, how do we do it? How do we survive the ‘space mission’? Let’s go back to a verse we’ve already taken to heart :

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

In this one verse lays the duality of the parent’s job. On one hand we must bring them up in discipline and instruction. But on the other hand we are not to provoke them to anger, or as the International English version puts it- ‘rage’. Question: What’s a sure fire way to raise extreme frustration in any person? Answer: Withhold the power and freedom to do something they are capable of doing themselves.

So in effect; parenting is the delicate art of transferring power. One side involves exercising control as needed. In almost every case, releasing power too early cultivates an attitude of disrespect for authority- and not just to yours, but to all authority- ministers, policemen, judges, even God. If your child doesn’t learn to yield to authority at home, they won’t learn… and their lives will be cursed for it.

On the other hand, if a parent holds back on freedom too long, they may find themselves reliving 1776- that’s to say, there will be an uprising for independence. There will be a lot of suffering and turmoil that really could’ve been avoided.

So when does this transfer of power start? It should start when they’re still in diapers. It is granting tiny freedom after freedom. When a child is able to tie his shoes; it becomes his right and responsibility. When she is able to choose her own clothes- it’s her selection within reason- even if it means averting your eyes from the lime top and the wrinkled blue pants.

Parents, if we think the main objective is to take care of our children, God says we’re missing the big picture. The objective is not to take care of them, but to raise them to take care of themselves in a relationship with God.

And let me end the parental advice with this- the greatest thing you can do is pray for them. Prayer is unleashing the power of God to change a heart- and that is where the battle is truly lost or won.

Now, for the teens-

I can’t tell you how many kids have confided something like this: ‘I’ve done this bad thing and now something bad has happened to me… I know it’s God punishing me for what I’ve done wrong.’

Guess what kids! God doesn’t work that way. God isn’t an angry friend who gets back at you every time you mess up.

11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke,

12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

14 for she [wisdom] is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.

Whatever God brings, or allows in your life… whether it is a joyful or painful- He always has the same reason at heart- to help you become what you are meant to be- and that’s always a great thing. It’s training worth more than a pocket full of gold. Why? Give a foolish friend a hundred bucks and in his foolishness he’ll waste it. Chances are he’ll be trying to tap you for another twenty. Give a wise person twenty bucks and they may very well turn it into one hundred. –And of course, God blesses in ways far more meaningful than money. Understanding your heavenly Father is the most profitable thing you will ever do.

2 "Honor your father and mother"-- which is the first commandment with a promise--

There’s something very special about this command- it has a promise, in fact it is the first command ever given with a promise and it’s given to you. So what’s the promise?

3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

That it may ‘go well.’ The Greek word used here is ‘eu’. It is a special form because it means the direct opposite of evil. Evil things can happen to young people. Adults have lived long enough to realize some important things: We’ve done too many stupid things ourselves and are alive only by the grace of God. We’ve passed too many roadside crosses where a young person thought they could drive mindlessly drunk- and found out they were dead wrong. We’ve heard too many reports of young people hurting or even taking a lifetime from another young person for reasons that won’t matter in a week.

Especially if your parents are alive in Christ- you might not see them as the coolest, or even the wisest people- but they have lived long enough to know how to live long. God says they have a few tips to pass on.

And the promise is more than that- it isn’t just to live long, it is to enjoy long life. You see, it’s very possible to live long and suffer through every minute of it. Example- The young woman who thinks it’s lame not to have an active sex life. -Being forced into motherhood at sixteen means missing a lot of wonderful things growing up. Perhaps she’ll give up her child for adoption, or maybe she’ll just have an abortion. Social research shows either option brings a heavy burden of guilt. And from sixteen, that’s a long time to carry it.

You might say- ‘Well, God forgives and offers a new start.” Yes, He does, but that doesn’t mean the consequences go away. That young woman can be made pure in Jesus, but the unintended child is still there. The memory will still be there. You’re parents have lived long enough to understand the implications. How do you avoid the wastelands, how do you live a long life you can enjoy? It involves this key- Children, obey your parents.

Ever since the baby boomers- there has been such a concentration of young people that they have developed a culture of their own. For two generations young people have adopted their own music. They develop their own rules of etiquette. They even cultivate their own language. But the driving force behind it all has never changed. Dobson puts it this way:

Adolescent society is based on the exercise of raw force. …It comes in various forms. For girls, there is no greater social dominance that physical beauty. A truly gorgeous young woman is so powerful that even the boys are often terrified of her. She rules in a high school like a queen on her throne, and in fact, she is usually given some honor with references to royalty [like] Homecoming Queen.

Boys derive power from physical attractiveness too, but also from athletic accomplishment… usually skilled in sports that exhibit sheer physical strength [like] football or size [like] basketball. …The name of the game [is] power.

So there you are- in a world where power plays fly like bullets in a battle. What do you do? …It is said that a true Christian lives life in such a way that it causes others to wonder. In your school, in your peer group… have you stopped to think, God has called you to live by different rules? Rules so different from the petty rat race of power grabbing, that it causes others to wonder?

1 We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.

"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

I am certainly not ashamed of it, for I know the one in whom I trust, and I am sure that he is able to safely guard all that I have given him until the day of his return.

It is incredible what God has done with young lives. Back in the sixties- it was a time the youth culture looked for truth in mind-altering drugs. The mentality was to rebel against everything, and take responsibility for nothing. And in the midst of this, something amazing happened- young people began finding Christ in the most personal and powerful way. How did it happen? One of the first spiritual sparks ignited in 1967 on an average evening in a little coffee house in Seattle. It began with a young lady by the name of Linda Meissner who revealed a dream she had- that dream was simply this- She saw an army of teenagers marching for Jesus. When she told her peers of this dream, a response began to grow- young people began turning to Christ. They turned in the hundreds and then the thousands, and then the tens of thousands until it became a youth movement- we are still living in the effects today. But here’s the thing: God doesn’t work that kind of power with people who hold Him at arm’s length.

Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

‘Those who really seek Him’ See… the question isn’t- can you survive the wastelands? The question isn’t- can God do something fantastic with your life? The question is- ARE YOU REAL ENOUGH?

Are you real enough to follow three basic steps- and to make it even simpler, here it is in two- Understand it, then Live it. If you can be that real, you will be surprised at how real God can be- that’s the promise.

(Even before ushers- a special appeal to the young- facing the wastelands, the challenges- )